Tuesday, May 24, 2011

No I'm Not Conceited...I'm Convinced

Ha ha. That was just one of my comebacks when people called me vein, conceited, a Narcissist...and the list goes on. The issue wasn't that I considered myself to be anything more than average. The issue was (and sometimes still is) that I portrayed myself as someone who was filled with confidence, who walked with his head up, and who looked down upon those around me.

In actuality, I was someone who believed in my own abilities- but had much self-doubt. I walked around exuding confidence because I was too afraid to show how I really felt not-too-deep inside. I walked tall because I didn't want to give eye contact and for others to see the fear in my eyes. The one they called 'Nestlé' (my alter eager) was the one who appeared to have confidence. I even remember telling someone that I wanted to be as confident as Ed Green on Law & Order. Ha ha. That was many years ago.

Hmmm, so where does that bring me today. Today I do have the confidence I so eagerly craved during those Ed Green years. However, sometimes I have to dig deep to find it. It's a daily struggle, but everyday I prepare myself. Others may try to bring me down, but I know what I am capable of, even if I'm the only one that believes it!

About 5 years ago, I began building up my inner strength. The next thing I did was work on the outer...my physical appearance. I got a gym membership (and used it), I bought a mountain bike (and rode it) and improved my eating habits. It made me feel better externally, which impacted my internal strength.

I looked younger, felt stronger, and then almost got an 'S' tattooed on my chest. Just kidding.

But I felt good and I still do. And now I help others do the same thing.

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